I had just arrived in Bali to start my 3-month sabbatical, following the call in my heart to create space from my nonstop consulting life to write a book on gentle persistence. I had dreams of landing into a place of expansiveness and inspiration where words of insight would just flow effortlessly within each moment. I had lived and traveled extensively in Asia, and I sensed that the rice fields of Ubud, Bali were calling to me.
But instead of floating in a sea of expansiveness, I quickly found myself trapped in the quicksand of paralysis. I was completely blindsided by a fear of everything — walking on sidewalks, crossing the street, climbing stairs without railings, and above all else — getting on a scooter, even as just a rider. For those who live in Ubud, motor scooters are pretty much the only easy way to get around. I questioned whether I was in the right place, whether I had made the wrong decision, whether I should just pick up my suitcase and move onto someplace else.
My anxiety clouded any clarity that might shape my next steps. It was as though I was walking around in a haze, uncomfortable in my own body. So I leaned on the last decision I had made in clarity for guidance — the decision to come to Bali — and I decided to try moving through my fears with gentle persistence.
Following my inner guidance: There were people who told me, “Just get on a scooter! Just do it!” But I trusted my inner wisdom, sensing that if I got on a scooter in the crazy traffic of Ubud, and it was a negative experience, it might send me further down the rabbit hole of anxiety. Instead, I traveled up to Amed, a smaller town on the northern coast with quiet streets, to put myself at ease. I found the boldness to hire a scooter driver to take me up a hill to a yoga class, and as I felt the wind on my face on that short drive, a spirit of freedom reverberated within me. That positive emotion carried me forward.
Expanding my comfort zone: Instead of thrusting myself out of my comfort zone, I moved with the momentum to continue to gently expand it’s boundaries. There are moments when it’s best to take a big leap, and there are moments to tip toe your way forward. I knew this was the latter. After a few days experimenting in Amed, I journeyed down to Sanur, a town on the southern coast where the streets were busier – but not too busy. I had freedom to grab a cab if I wanted a car, plus the sidewalks were broad with a lovely beachfront promenade that supported my sense of freedom. When the moments felt right, I began booking scooter taxis with GoJek, Indonesia’s Uber, growing my boldness with with every step forward.
Leaning into expansiveness: Having cultivated the intrinsic readiness to do what had previously felt impossible, after a week in Sanur, I knew it was time to journey back to Ubud, the land of rice fields and heavy traffic. There, I made the next bold decision: to rent a small house for a month on a quiet village street that was not walkable to restaurants or to town, which would mean relying on a scooter to get around. I was still afraid, but I was making progress. And this village was a gateway to connections with the local community I had been dreaming of, and the rice field views brought about a sensation of openness and inspiration. I could have listened to my fears and let them drive. But instead, I trusted my sense of expansiveness and intuition.
Finding a safe space: My trusted driver, Ketut, who had driven me all across the island, soon became my scooter driver, because with him I felt safe and secure — and safe spaces are important for times of expansion into new possibilities. I started by hiring him for short drives into town, but soon we ventured further on his scooter into surrounding areas. More importantly, I connected with his family, and fell in love with his kids. Before I knew it, I was experiencing all the adventures I had been longing for, and on my fifth week in Bali, I looked up amazed. I realized that the terrifying fear had all but evaporated had and been replaced by a deep-rooted joy. It wasn’t merely a matter of facing my fear and living with it — but that the fear was no longer there at all. My shakiness had settled into assurance, and all my intentions and dreams for my trip were coming to life in unexpected ways.
Taking just the next bold step: With my newfound freedom from fear, the next natural step on the scooter journey was driving one, but I was in no rush. Following the breadcrumbs of gentle persistence, I decided to start with a lesson in an empty parking lot. I affirmed within myself: “Today, I am not learning to drive a scooter on the street, so I need not get caught up in any unpleasant imaginings. If I never drive on a street that is 100% ok, because for today, my only goal is to drive in an empty parking lot.” I relaxed my body. I found my balance. I let my inner confidence lead me as I owned that parking lot on my scooter. I proved to myself that I could do brave things – and get there one small step at a time. (And, as you can see from my photo, I was still smiling at the end of that first lesson.)
The Magic of Gentle Persistence
On that initial sabbatical, I did not write my book on gentle persistence. Instead, I lived the story of gentle persistence and tasted the joy that unfolded with one brave yet kind-to-myself baby step at a time. What ended up emerging in my three months in Bali can only be described as pure magic — a magic of connection, of healing and of discovering a new way of being.
As for my scooter journey? I drove a couple more times on that initial trip on small streets. That summer, back in the US, I enrolled in a weekend motorcycle course and earned my motorcycle license (much more intense than a scooter!). By the fall, I had moved back to Bali on that same small village street, renting a room from one of the local villagers I had befriended. I was embarking on an entirely new life adventure that involved learning to drive on the streets and much much more. And before 2019 came to a close, I had oh-so-proudly purchased my very own scooter.
This is the life-changing power of gentle persistence.
